Giving Up or Giving In?

For those of you who may not know me very well, I have a confession to make....for the last 5-6 years I have been trying (earnestly) to get my husband to have another child, wanting to try one last time for a girl...and every time he tells me "NO!". Every time I go into the conversation thinking maybe this time will be different, maybe this time he will finally give in after my persistence has paid off and feel that our family is incomplete as I have....and every time I get the same answer. You'd think I'd learn after all the "no's" and "I'm done" to just let it go, but there has been this thing deep down inside that has just longed for another one. Maybe it's the fact that I want that mother-daughter connection that I felt was missing to some degrees in my own childhood, maybe it's me seeing all my other pregnant friends (or friends in general) who have daughters and the special relationship between them, doing things that only mothers and daughters can do together, or maybe it's all the cute little girl clothes I see in the stores as I pass by the isle that all show me what I'm missing out on...whatever it is, I have prayed many times to God asking for a daughter, knowing and trying to convince myself that he would most certainly not withhold that desire from me, right? After all, I know  what's best for my family, or so I tell myself.


The last 2 weeks have been interesting as I have felt many times that I could be/get pregnant soon, had visions of a baby crawling around in our home and have been wondering and waiting could it finally be?!! This morning as I was praying, I almost felt a sense of disappointment, a loss of something that I have always wanted to be but the reality of it is it probably will never be. I sat in the bathroom facing this issue which seems like such an insignificant issue to most, considering there are bigger issues going on in the world, but to me, it felt as if I was giving up...letting go of a hope, a dream, a vision of my life and what it could be...what I wanted it to be. Then, as I was praying, I felt a little whisper in my spirit that said "Be Content!" Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but right then and there I realized maybe having another child right now, or even at all, may not be part of God's plan. Maybe I have been trying to make something happen that isn't suppose to happen. Maybe I just need to learn to be content with the family and people God has placed in my life, not always desiring something more or trying to convince myself that my life would be so much better if we did have another child.


How many times do we try and convince ourselves and our spouses that we absolutely need something else, literally telling ourselves and even coming up with exact reasoning's and logical explanations that if we had that thing, THEN we would be happy.

We say things like:
"If I had a better paying job, then I'd be happy."
"If I had a bigger house or new car, then I'd be happy."
"If my kids would just listen, then I'd be happy."
"If my spouse would pay more attention to me, show me more love and respect, then I'd be happy."
"If I finally lost this weight, then I'd be happy."
"If I could go on vacation and take a break from life, then I'd be happy."

We are always bombarded by other people's lifestyles. We secretly covet and want what they have, how things appear to be picture perfect, but not really seeing the trap that is. We don't see what really goes on behind the scenes. The strife those things have caused in a marriage, the financial burden it has put on a family, the debt they have gone into to get those things, or even the disappointment they felt once they got the very thing they wanted, and then realized it only made them feel happiness for a brief moment. There will always be the next thing the enemy throws in our face that we can chase, be it money, another child, an image to impress people with, a marriage that looks picture perfect or a number of other things. The enemy loves nothing more than to distract us with all these worldly things, making us think if we have the next thing our heart desires, then we will finally be happy...but that's a lie! The only thing that can ever truly satisfy us is a relationship with Jesus Christ and understanding we have everything we need in him and because of him!

We need to get to a point where we are content with the life we have here and now...not the life we want that we think will make us happy. We need to tell ourselves that even if we never lost all the weight, had another child, got the newer car, or has the biggest house, we are OK because we have a savior that died for us and in Him alone we are made complete!

Psalm 23 starts off with "The Lord IS my shepherd I shall not want (or be in lack)". From that one portion of scripture, we can conclude that if we allow God to do his part in our lives, letting him fill us, satisfy our deepest needs and desires and find our comfort and satisfaction in Him alone, instead of trying to convince ourselves why we need this or that, we will not want or be in lack for anything!

I don't know what that thing is that you have been chasing or convincing yourself that when/if you had it, then you would be happy, but I guarantee you it wouldn't make you any happier...at least not for very long. You would soon find yourself wanting something else and chasing after the next thing, and so the cycle continues....or so the insanity continues (doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results). People and things can never satisfy us, they were never created to, and yet why do we continue to think that they will? Every person was created with a God-shaped hole in their heart, a desire and longing for something more...it's natural to want more, but we can only find that place of satisfaction in God alone. He's the one who gave us the hole, and he's the only one who can fill it!

Today I discovered something about myself.  Even if we never have another child, no matter if God ever did anything else for me again, if I never had the "American dream," I am OK. I am loved. I am wanted. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I am forgiven. I have everything I need because of Jesus! I am married to one amazing guy, a mother to 2 great kids and am thankful for the life God has given me...I AM CONTENT! Am I letting go of a dream? Maybe so, but I know God's plans are better than mine, he will truly satisfy me, and I am reaching upward, toward the greater things God has in store for me!

Our Year In Review...

2012 has been a very productive year, a year that has indeed been a year of harvest as the Lord had spoken to me at the end of 2011, but also a year full of many changes, trials, growth, discomfort, surrendering, and we have had to do things I never thought we would have to do.

One year ago today on New Years Eve I felt the Lord telling me to submit myself to him and my husband, something I have really struggled with in the past. The last day of 2011 ended with me literally submitting myself to my husband and God, washing his feet, repenting of not letting him lead our family and letting go of the last little bit of control I had been hanging on to. Little did I know that In doing so, the Lord was going to ask me to submit myself to him and Wayne a lot during the coming year.

The very next week Wayne got laid off from work and I needed to submit myself, our family, finances and everything to the Lord and let Wayne lead us down a new path, trusting his vision for us and that he was hearing from the Lord, which would involve him starting his own business, trusting God to supply all our needs and to give Wayne an abundance of work.

The Lord provided in so many ways. He provided for us financially; proving his word to me that Wayne would go from having no work to so much work that he wouldn't know what to do, provided a trip back home to VA to give me closure and allow me to hug the necks of those whom I'd been missing, provided me with spiritual food to grow, new friends, tangible ways for me to see His love and has made me thankful for so many things in my life.

In 2012 I got to go to a women's retreat with women back home who are very dear to my heart, went on many hikes, went to Breckenridge with my family and soaked up every moment with them, took Josiah and Micah to the Broncos Training Camp, witnessed my children grow, mature, and change, Micah lost his first tooth, made a weekly tradition of pizza/movie night with my boys, witnessed Josiah spraining his ankle and seeing it healed, had many "aha" moments, many phone conversations with friends and family, had some disagreements and some people misunderstanding me, Wayne finally started Bible College, had the loss of some friendships and the beginning of new one's, received dreams, visions and words from the Lord, lots of refocusing and late night talks with my hubby about our dreams/vision for our life, finally found a church that feels like home, LOTS of playing and watching football, weekly trips to the library, experienced IKEA for the first time ;), had many warm summer nights grilling out and cold winter nights snuggling and drinking hot chocolate. Overall 2012 has been a good year! It has been a year full of many changes, many harvests (spiritually, financially and mentally). The year may not have started out like I'd planned, but in the end the things we experienced were part of Gods plan to set us up for an even better 2013 and future!!

2013 is the year of the inconceivable, a year when God does things we can't even fathom, full of many blessings and our minds being blown, limitations will be taken off, new experiences are awaiting us and any year spent with the Lord and following his leading is sure to be an amazing one! So long 2012. Welcome 2013!

Unending Love

Most nights after I put the kids to bed, I try and pack Wayne's lunch for him for work the next day and straighten up the house. I hate nothing more than waking up to a messy house full of disorder and clutter. It sets my whole mood way off if I feel like my day starts with me having to clean up a mess right from the get go. Tonight was no different in what I did, however it was extremely different in nature.

After I loaded the dishwasher, I felt the Lord telling me to just stop and worship. I had Hillsong playing on my iTunes set on a dock and decided I would do just that. I skipped to the next song, which is a song that really ministers to me and that I hadn't heard in a while. As I stood there singing in the kitchen, worshipping my Lord and Savior, nothing could've ministered more to me in that moment. Tears were streaming down as I felt the love of the Lord overwhelm me, thinking about how good and gracious he has been to me. I saw how he pulled me out of the deep pit that I had allowed myself to be in for so many years and how he has set me free. Half way into the song I saw in the spirit Jesus standing right beside me. I couldn't see his body but saw his shadow in my mind, and he was so pleased with my worship, taking it in. Knowing and seeing that took my breath away, all I could do is cry and wondered I bet this is a glimpse of what heaven must be like, full of love, awe, wonder and so encamped by his love that it completely captivates you.

I knew he was there! I tried to sing but the words came out sporadically. I was so afraid to open my eyes; afraid that I would miss out on the moment and afraid that he would be gone. A few moments later I decided to open my eyes, and sure enough he wasn't there, at least not physically. Part of my heart was disappointed; disappointed because I had wanted to see him with my physical eyes , but the other part of my heart was rejoicing in the fact that nothing had felt more real to me than knowing and seeing in the spiritual realm that he was there.

I say all of this not to brag about my experience but to share with you that he IS there and he really does inhabit the praises of his people!! God is always there waiting for us to tune into his frequency and speak truths to us, set us free, minister to us and show us himself and his love in real and tangible ways. He is NO respecter of persons. He doesn't play favorites and wants to make himself known to you in a real, intimate and personal way; a way that will speak and minister to you only. I want to encourage you at some point this week to really tune into the Lord. Turn off all the noise, distractions, busyness and just be with him. Clear your mind of all the condemnation and guilt and let him show you how he truly feels about you, that he is absolutely in love with you and isn't judging you. His arms are open wide, his love is unending, he stands at the door and knocks. Will you answer the cry of your heart and let him in?

Below is the song that helped me enter in and spoke to my heart. Maybe it will do the same for you!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/sDIuFrdKiXg"

Simply Being

This last week has been challenging for me mentally. Normally I feel like I have a pretty good handle on things and can easily cast my cares upon the Lord, but this week in particular has had a lot of things stirring in my heart. For anyone who knows me, or that follows my blogs, knows that in the past, I have been a bit of a control freak...ok, maybe a lot of a control freak. Being a control freak is more than just wanting everything done right but a lot of it stems from pride and thinking that I can do it and my way is the best way, most women can attest to this when it comes to their husbands and the way they do things!

Last year the Lord really dealt with me about my issues of control and not completely trusting him. I was put into situations where I had no other choice but to let go and trust God with my marriage, my kids, our finances and my eating habits. With all that, I thought I was done going through the pruning of all that, wouldn't you? Well, I guess I was wrong and there are still some deep seeded roots that need to be pulled up! Through a few different circumstances the last couple of months, I am realizing that parts of me still want to be in control. When it comes to my relationships, I have a hard time not allowing my emotions to get too involved and attached. I try and speak the truth in love or share what I believe the Lord is showing me, but then when it comes to those people making a decision, I find myself feeling disappointed when they don't make the clear, obvious choice.

I do not want the burden or responsibility of being someone else's Holy Spirit. I have come a long way in that, but I don't know how to not cross certain boundaries, especially when someone has given me so much access into their lives, asks for my advice and/or help. I see so many people, especially Christians that are "saved and stuck," living way below the life that God has for them, and it's so hard to watch people barely making it, not fully understanding who they are in Christ, what they have because of him and that if they would stop being scared and truly seek/follow God that they would live with such passion, joy, peace, and abundance that they would never settle for mediocrity again!

Yesterday I was praying and asking the Lord to help me understand why I often feel this way and his response to me was "This is just a small glimpse of how I feel. I have great and amazing plans for people, but they limit me and live life trying to fulfill things that I never created them to fulfill. They walk down paths that I never intended them to walk down, pursue the wrong dreams, and never truly seek ME! They gamble with their lives, and would take a greater risk on their lives or playing the lottery then they would at following me."

I don't want to gamble my life away by pursuing my own hopes and dreams, and I hate seeing other people do the same. With that said, I am letting go of the control once again. I have learned that I can not make people see things they don't want to see, go in ways they do not wish to go, and do things they do not wish to do. I will speak truth, love others but I will not let their actions or lack thereof disappoint me. What people choose to do or not do is up to them and if they decide to take the road less traveled, I will welcome them with open arms just as if they choose to take the road that's traveled on by many. I will not try and control others nor will I let my emotions control me. I will just simply be...period.

Do Everything as Unto the Lord

Ok. So I have been wanting to write about the topic of being a sahm for quite some time now and am finally feeling the release to do so. Let me throw out a disclaimer: What I am about to write may step on some toes. It is in no way, shape, or form any means to judge, criticize or condemn anyone, but to offer a different perspective.

Being a sahm is no easy task for anyone, and I'd venture to say it's not everyone's cup of tea. I love being a sahm...well, most of the time, and it has it's challenges like anything else. I use to look at staying at home as a tedious, never ending, thankless job that involved me doing the same thing day in and day out, over and over and over again with nothing to look forward to. Since moving to CO, I have found a new perspective in so many areas, this being one of them. Staying at home isn't just something we do, it is a huge way we can minister to our families! I am in no way claiming to have it all together, anyone who really knows me can vouch for that, but what I am claiming is that there is, and could possibly be, another way of looking at this thing we do as women, wives, mothers, caretakers and homemakers.

Growing up, cleanliness was next to Godliness in my house. I was taught that everything had a proper place. To this day I still follow that, it was just engrained into me, but now I do it for different reasons. I feel that being a sahm is a privilege. I am very thankful that the Lord has given me the opportunity to do so and that my husband works his butt off so that I can stay at home. With that said, I believe it is my responsibility to not only stay at home, but to make my house a home. A home that is warm and welcoming, free of clutter, messes everywhere u turn, a place my husband can come home to and truly relax after a hard days work and doesn't have to be concerned with the things of the home. I stay at home, and that's the least I can do to not only be a good steward of the things and responsibilities the Lord has given me but to also show my husband that I love him, value him and appreciate all the hard work he does. I'm no Mary Poppins, but I do believe that as a homemaker and caretaker, my #1 priority (other than to God) is to truly take care of the one's, and the things I have, to show the Lord I can be faithful in the little things and that I don't take those things lightly or for granted.

I think simply what it boils down to is priorities and perspective. Lots of sahm's would rather hang out with friends or go shopping, and those things are fine in moderation, but I don't feel that they are productive or that they should be our main concern or priority. If we have spent all day hanging out, shopping or whatever, we are not using our time wisely, we are being careless in our efforts and what do we have to show for it? We are living in a home and most of the time a life that is dysfunctional, out of sorts, chaotic, has no rhyme or reason to anything and where we just fly on the tail of our shirt everyday. Our lives and homes need to be a place that if the Lord were to walk in, we wouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed of the way we have taken care of things. Granted, we don't need to be sticklers and be overly concerned, but we do need to make it a top priority just as we do our time with the Lord. I'm not saying things need to be spotless and you need to be a drill Sargent enforcing cleanliness, but I am saying that we need to ask ourselves is what we r doing right now representing the Lord well? Are we simply doing what we want, or r we doing things as unto the Lord? Are we being careless and selfish in our efforts or r we using that time to be a blessing to our family or our hard working husbands? Is what you're doing ministering to your family?

Let's all be good stewards of the people we are entrusted with, the things the Lord has blessed us with, the time we have, and see our part as not some meaningless task but a way of blessing those around us! There's no greater calling than being a mother, and to get to stay at home is just the icing on the cake! Let's represent the Lord well in all we do, in word and in deed, do everything as unto the Lord, knowing that He will bless the work of our hands, cause our families and relationships to grow and prosper and that when we stand before Him we will know that we did the best we could with what he gave us. Even if we never get a thank you, the Lord sees our diligence and will reward all the tireless hours we put in serving not only our families, but ultimately His children and that we did it with a heart that was selfless and full of love.

Forgiveness...A Hard Pill to Swallow

Forgiveness and humility...what does it really mean and look like in everyday life? I got a very good picture of that last night from my 7 year old son.

Josiah, my oldest son, is such a good boy and blessing from the Lord, he really does have such a beautiful heart, is kind to everyone, is my "social butterfly," and shows me everyday what loving others looks like. With that said, he is also so much like me, sometimes it drives me crazy. He has a very strong personality, is very vocal in how he feels and what his beliefs are that it can sometimes come across the wrong way. I get that in him, but sometimes because we are both so vocal, it can cause disagreements, arguments and hard feelings because we both want to be right in a situation. He has a hard time submitting to what I say sometimes, maybe it's because of his strong will, or maybe it's also because of the innate desire God has placed in all boys/men to lead and be in control? Whatever the reason, we sometimes "butt heads," and last night was one of those nights.

Last night I told Josiah to do something that he just didn't want to do. He, not wanting to, made it very obvious and vocal that he didn't want to. It wasn't something big, and I could've let it go, but I didn't. I have felt very disrespected lately and so I was trying to "stand my ground" if you will by not giving in and letting him get his way. Minutes later he came out crying and explaining to me why he didn't want to do what I asked him to do. I had already had a long day, was feeling very hormonal and tired and just snapped. I said things that I shouldn't have said to him, and it reminded me a lot of my childhood. In that moment, I said things I wish I could now take back. I know first hand how badly words hurt, how they can cut deeper than a knife, are very hard to forget and can scar you for a lifetime. I immediately began feeling like I deserved the "worst mother of the year award," feeling condemned and just horrible inside. Hearing him cry out of that hurt place just made it even more painful for the both of us.

So, I did what I thought I should do. I crawled up in his bed, sobbing, asking the Lord under my breath to forgive me and to please help/change me because I do not want to be the person and say the things my parents spoke over me. I then proceeded to talk to him about forgiveness and that we need to forgive those people that have hurt us, including me! Btw, that's a hard pill to swallow when u have to humble yourself and ask your child for forgiveness. He then started telling me about all the people that have hurt, done or said mean things to him. It broke my heart. He then looked at me and said "Mommy, I forgive you!" and gave me a big hug. Next he proceeded to pray for all the people that have said or done anything that's hurt him. His prayer went like this:

"God, I forgive all the people that have ever hurt me. I ask that you would bless them, that you would help them to have a good school year this year and that you would give them everything they need. In Jesus name, amen!"

Talk about humility! Wow! My 7 year old not only forgave those people, but asked the Lord to bless them and supply their needs...things I'm not sure sometimes I would be able to pray. In that moment, he showed me in the flesh what forgiveness really looks like, the way Jesus forgave us and blesses us in spite of the way we treat him, the way we think he is, and the things we say to him when we don't get our way. I went in there trying to teach him something about the Lord and forgiveness, but he ended up teaching me something much more valuable and humbling me beyond words. May we always keep our hearts humbled, be quick to forgive, slow to anger, and have that childlike faith that can overlook a matter and just love others, accepting them and their faults.

Blessed or Stressed?

Recently I have been asking the Lord to help me open my mind, to take down any barriers or wrong mindsets that I may have. He has been doing a lot of that over the last year and a half and I have just felt some sort of block that I haven't seemed to be able to put my finger on. A good friend of mine recommended a book to me the other day by Robert G. Allen called "Creating Wealth" that I began reading last night and I couldn't put it down. I saw how many wrong mindsets I have had about money, the "American dream," the way to get there and how backwards our culture is about it. There are a select few who actually achieve that dream, who have a completely different mindset, not just about money but about life in general. What makes them so different for us? Why do some people seem to really excel in life and finances while others slave away day in and day out of a job they hate, missing precious and valuable time with their friends and family, thinking that the harder they work, the closer they will get to their dream? I am realizing many things: the goal is not to work harder, but to work smarter, to let the Holy Spirit lead and guide us into all truth, every decision we make, and that we will not just do something because it's what we think we need to do to survive and get by. We need to find a way to tap into the unlimited resources God has already made available to us through His son! God is not "El Cheapo", He IS "El Shaddai," the God of more than enough!  He does not lack anything in any way. Everything he does in in an abundance, surplus, overflows, and running over!!

Deut. 28:1-8 says "If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.  The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven. The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you."

If we are God's children, all these things are not only available to us, but they are ours for the taking, bought and paid for by Jesus, and for us not to live this way is actually an insult to what Jesus paid with his own life for us to have! When we follow the Lord and his leading, he has promised to provide ALL of our needs according to HIS riches in Glory by Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19), so we need not worry or try and figure out how it's all going to work out. God's word is true...period! He can not lie! If he says he's going to take care of you and supply everything you need, then trust him and let him do that! He is capable to handling it all and never intended for us to carry that heavy load and burden.

Nehemiah 9: 24-25 says "So the people went in and possessed the land; You subdued before them the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites, and gave them into their hands, with their kings and the people of the land, that they might do with them as they wished.And they took strong cities and a rich land, and possessed houses full of all goods, cisterns already dug, vineyards, olive groves, and fruit trees in abundance. So they ate and were filled and grew fat, And delighted themselves in Your great goodness."

Not only will God provide, but he has already prepared the way before you. I love this verse because it talks about how even before they got there, God had provided them with houses that they did not build, wells they did not dig, olive trees they did not grow, etc!! God will cause other people to put in the work before hand so you can receive the blessings he has for you without all the blood, sweat and tears!!!

I am in no way against working. In fact the Lord tells us if we don't work, we won't eat, that He blesses the work of our hands, and that he gives us the power and ability to get wealth. What I am saying is that we need to make sure we are doing and moving towards the Lord's calling and not allowing ourselves to be stuck, thinking we can do it all ourselves and work ourselves to death to get ahead. God wants us to work, yes, BUT he also needs us to let go of trying to figure it all out, working ourselves into the ground and just let him take care of us by following his leading. God is not glorified when we are just merely surving instead of thriving, sick, depressed, in strife, and our whole world is falling apart. Sure we all want the blessings of God, but how many of us are really willing to let go of the control, wrong mindsets, surrender our plans and completely trust the Lord? Or take him at his word? I want to be a doer of the word and not merely a hearer! It is my desire to follow the Lord wherever he leads, even if it doesn't make sense, and I know by doing so he WILL bless me and my family and that his word will never return void!

A Thankful Heart

I've been just thinking about how good the Lord is and has been in my life so I wanted to share a few things that I am very thankful and grateful for!

1.My God-I could go on and on about how good God has been to me throughout my life and we would be here for weeks, but I will just share what's been going on lately that I am thankful for. I am thankful for His love, mercy, grace, kindness, provision and for being true to his word. It has been a loooong time coming, but in just 3 weeks, my husband will finally be signing up to attend Bible College full time, and it will be paid for in full!!! We were disobedient when the Lord told us almost 9 years ago to come to CO, allowing friends, family and circumstances to hold us back, but God's calling on our lives has never changed and is irrevocable! God gave us another opportunity to follow him last year, calling us away; we took a huge step of faith and made the plunge, and it has been the best decision we have ever made! Finances were really tough for a while after we moved. People we thought would support us, didn't, and really haven't kept in contact with us like we thought they would...BUT God has always been there and has been faithful. My husband got laid off from his previous job in January this year, but where one door closes, another door opens! God has really promoted him!! He is making almost 3x's what he was making when we first moved here, he is opening doors for him left and right, and we are actually living on 60% of our income better than when we were trying to hoard every penny before. God has changed me, is changing me, has given me a marriage I never thought I would have, a life I truly love, I get to live in one of the most beautiful places in the U.S. and I get to do it with God by my side, leading the way, supplying all our needs, and enjoying this life he created for me!!

2. My husband-Boy, oh boy, am I thankful for this man God has given me. He has seen me at my best and my worst, has fought for me, our marriage, our family, has never taken the easy way out or given up on me, has been an awesome provider, allows me the privilege to stay at home and home school our children, to be the care taker of our home, is my best friend, and am SO glad I get to do this life with him by my side! God truly gave me a gift when he gave Wayne to me, knowing that he would help rub off the rough edges, sharpen the areas that need to be sharpened, and gave me someone who has the same desires and passions for life that I do! God has renewed my love for him, some days I fall more and more in love with him and can hardly stand it, has humbled me and allows me to serve him, respect him, and finally let him be the head of our home! Things operate so much smoother now that I have let go of the control and give him to God, praying for his success and trying to stay humble when my flesh wants it's own way.

3. My kids-Children really are a blessing from the Lord, even though a lot of times we may take that for granted. My kids have loved me in spite of my rants and yelling at them, keep me humble, have showed me what true forgiveness and love is, make me laugh hysterically, and bring so much joy to me! Just the fact that I get to be with them everyday, teach them and see the efforts of that pay off, I get to feel their little arms wrapped around my neck, receive compliments from them and little sweet kisses enriches my life so much! I am truly blessed to have them as my children! God knew I needed them and that they needed me too!

4. My family and friends-They have seen me at my very best and my very worst and have always chosen to love me through it, encourage me, and lovingly show me areas where I may be missing it. I am thankful that I can always rely on them to be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, to encourage me, pray for me, and always point me back to the cross! I am thankful for the friends that still keep in contact with me and show me that no matter the time or distance, they will always have my back!

5. Little things: I find myself being thankful even for little things lately, like a hot shower, a car that runs and operates good (even if it's not exactly the car I want), a bed to sleep in (even if it's not the most comfortable one), that our storehouse is full, a refrigerator full of food, a roof over my head, my family and I are healthy, air in my lungs, we have clean and decent looking clothes to wear, and that I live in a country that's free (for now).

There are so many things we can be thankful for if we just stop and take the time to see them. We are such a blessed nation and people, yet many of us overlook that fact and want more and more, feeling we are entitled to more and that more will make us happy. If we can't be content and enjoy where we are, what we have, who we have, then we never will be! What kinds of things are you thankful for? May we choose everyday to acknowledge the things we DO have and not the things we don't!

Stepping Up to the Plate

Recently, everything that has been going on in the news, along with things the Lord has been speaking to me personally over the last few months has really got me thinking about "the last days" even more.  I believe we are starting to experience the "birth pains" of the earth. This past Saturday, there was a fire that started burning here in CO across town. Within the last 3 days, it has burned over 15,000 acres and over 32,000 people have had to be evacuated from their homes, some of them friends of ours. I also know of 12 other fires going on, the tropical storm around FL, all the earthquakes, tsunamis, nations coming against Israel, persecution, wars/rumors of wars, famines, people being lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, familes turning against each other, everything that the Bible says will happen in the last days, is happening now.

Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, "I am the Christ," and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. (Matthew 24:4-8—NIV)

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

For you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. (1 Thessalonians 5:2,3—NIV)

Since I was probably a young teenager, I have been very interested in end time events and I believe that the Lord is going to return sometime during my lifetime. The Lord has spoken to me very vividly about such things, and have never openly shared these revelations except with my very close friends until now. When I was about 15, the Lord gave me a dream and showed me part of what the tribulation was going to look like; fire everywhere, people in sheer chaos, people trying to run and hide, trying to live inside of mountains, people being tortured worse than they were in the days when Hitler was in power, people being killed merely for the sake of being a Christian, and death and destruction were everywhere.

Back in March, while talking to a friend/mentor of mine back in VA, the Lord gave me a vision and showed me that the earth is groaning, experiencing turmoil and natural disasters, and it is because it is going through labor pains; it is literally about to give birth to the anit-Christ, death and destruction. Then two weeks ago, I had a vision and saw Jesus coming on the clouds. Immediately I said "no Lord, I'm not ready!" Not that I personally am not ready, but I believe there is still a lot of work that still needs to be done and people that need to hear the goodness of God.

I am not writing this to scare anyone, and I am no way "preaching doom and gloom," or that the world is ending. I know there are a lot of skeptical people out there. I can't speak to any skeptics, but I can speak from my own experience. A little over 2 years ago I felt the Lord calling me a "Daniel," a prophet to the nations. Daniel was a prophet of God who the Lord spoke to/through to fast, pray and speak the things of God to people, kings and nations. I have always felt that God has given me the gift of prophecy and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I hear the Lord and take heed to the things he reveals to me. The Lord has always spoken to me very vividly through dreams and visions, and I have already had at least 10-12 of them come to pass, so even if no one else believes, I believe! I believe the Lord shows me things like this to prepare myself, other people, and to give us a prayer point on specific things to be praying for or against. The Lord is good and faithful. I know all of these things are from the enemy because he comes ONLY to steal, kill and destroy BUT God has come that we may have life and have it in abundance(John 10:10)! God wishes that no one should perish, and regardless of what you think, time is drawing to a close. This isn't a dress rehearsal people, this is the real deal!

I am writing this to challenge people to think about the things that are really important in this life; family, friends and lives. What can, and should we be doing to reach out to a lost and dying world, to share to good news of Jesus with people, to be the hands, feet and mouthpiece of God while we are here on this earth? Life isn't about all the stuff we have, it's about who we have. Having these fires so close to home has definitely opened my own eyes to how precious and short this life is, how in an instant all the possesions and things you think are important can be gone, and what I can do to make the most of the time I do have here. God has sent us here on a mission, not to sit back and say "Oh, thats too bad," or simply "I'll be praying for you," but to actually do something, to get outside of ourselves, our comforts, our wants and desires and help those in need. I'm going to step up my game and up to the plate, are you? Will we hear God say one day "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" and will we have done the best we could've done with what we were given, or will we come to the end of life full of regrets and lots of stuff, nothing of real value to show for? Lots to think about....

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

The last couple months have been a roller coaster of emotions. I have really missed my friends and family back home, A LOT! My parents came out to CO last week to visit, and I have been counting down the days since they bought their plane tickets!!

Family means more to me now then it ever has, and it's sad that up until the last year or so that I have really taken their closeness for granted. My parents have always been there for me, no matter what! They have loved me even when I couldn't see it, fought for me, supported me in more ways than one, always encouraged me in the Lord, always been around to help me fix little problems that arise, my dad has been my personal mechanic, my mom was there for the births of our sons, and have always been within a 5 mile radius of me for almost my entire life. Sure, we have butted heads on numerous occasions, I have held grudges against them for being too hard on me at times, for showing what I felt like at the time was favoritism to my sister, been mad at them for being too "protective," and said/done things I really regret. And yet, because they have always been there, I have never really sat and thought about how lucky I am to have them in my life and how much they truly mean to me.

Last night I asked God to show me His love in a new and tangible way. Tonight, after everyone else was in bed, my dad and I sat up and talked as we often do. Growing up, I was never really close to my dad. He was always there for me when I needed him, but he was also very distanced emotionally and I never really understood the reasons behind it. I knew he'd had a rough background and upbringing but tonight it really struck a chord in me.

Tonight, I listened to my dad go into detail and describe how my grandfather (his father) was shot and killed, the anger and hatred he had in his heart, how he has been able to forgive and even eat with the very man that murdered his dad, and some of the tragedies he has gone through in his life. I have never met my dads parents, they both died long before I was born, yet I have always felt a deep love and connection to them that I can't explain. I remember visiting their grave site years ago, breaking down and sobbing, feeling mad and deprived that their lives were cut short and I'd never got to experience a life with them, and that my children would never get to experience a life with them one day either. As I listened to my dad, tears streaming down my face, as they still are, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of love for my parents, compassion for their lives, sorrow for all their past experiences, how I didn't have it nearly as bad as I thought growing up, and I saw a facet of my heavenly father through my dad tonight; a loving father who wants to fellowship with me, who can't wait to open up and share his heart with me, and who has always welcomed me with open arms even though I have wounded him deeply. Listening to my dad made me very sorry for everything I've ever done or said to hurt my parents and my heavenly father; not in a condemning way but in a sorrowful way, a way that makes me realize how precious time is and what a gift family and friends really are! At the same time, it made me miss them even more, knowing I only have a couple days left with them until they fly back home.

Tonight I realized that in the past, I have been far too selfish, judgmental, condemning, wasted too much time being angry or bitter at how I was/wasn't treated, and cared more about myself that I couldn't see just how amazing my family really is, and just like I saw a new side of my dad, I also saw a new side of my heavenly father; a side that is overwhelming with love, a love that breaks down any and all walls, barriers, preconceived ideas, a love that forgives, keeps no record of wrongs, hopes the best and is the very picture of 1 Cor. 13. Thank God that he has promised to restore to me ALL the things that the enemy has stolen from me, including wasted years and broken relationships! Don't let life pass you by before you allow yourself to love and be loved, to truly enjoy the gifts God has put in your life, and before you really get to know the people around you. Their story might just change your perspective AND your life!!

I Know the Plans I have for YOU....

Since moving to Colorado, part of my heart still felt as if it were back home in VA. About a year before we moved God started showing me what I am called to do, to help pull people out of their deepest, darkest pits and help set them free so they can rise/soar to new heights. I started becoming more involved in the women's ministry at our church. Then, just as I was asked to step up and become a leader, the Lord called Wayne and I here. It really was bittersweet and I felt like I had just found my niche.

After moving here, I began asking the Lord to help me get plugged into a women's ministry. I emailed a woman who has a worldwide ministry here to see if she could help me navigate and find a good place but that was of little help. Then, I felt the Lord stirring in me for me to start something small. The church we attend does have a women's ministry but I can't get plugged in because I homeschool our kids and they are too old for the childcare. I approached the pastor and asked him about starting something small and that idea was pretty much shot down. Then, I got plugged in with some other women, but because our core beliefs are so different, I felt as if I needed to take a step back.

A couple weeks ago I had a breakdown. One of those times where you are sobbing; you just feel alone, like you have tried and tried to make friends and get plugged in and every door keeps closing. Part of me wanted to go back to VA; back where I was loved and accepted, where people actually listened to me, I felt little persecution for my beliefs and where I was being used...a place really of comfort. Long story short, the boys and I were able to fly home (courtesy of the Lord) and I had been asking the Lord for closure. While back home, I got the closure I needed: God has me right where he needs me, that I was no longer needed back home, and that he was doing something new!

Since coming back, there have been days where I have still felt alone even though I know the Lord is with me and up to something. I have been judged, my own salvation has been questioned by other believers and have felt under attack in so many areas of life. Then this morning, as I was listening to Joyce Meyer, I began to feel discouraged and asked the Lord "when is my ministry going to start? When are you going to start using me and bringing me people that want to hear what I have to say?" My heart has, and will always be longing to be used by the Lord. I want to fulfill my calling and help set people free from their mindsets, bondages, sins, and point them to the Lord! I don't simply want to take up space. I was so frustrated and 'lo and behold, the Lord connected me with a friend, someone who I truly love but have been distanced from because of our lives moving so fast and for a lot of other reasons. The Lord heard the cry of my heart and brought me someone that I can begin ministering to, lifting up, encouraging and can be there to spur them on in their walk with Christ! I may not have a women's "ministry" or group to attend but God can still use me even if I'm not in the most desired place/setting. All he needs is a willing vessel and he will make a way!
Thank you Lord that even though other doors have closed and haven't worked out the way I would've liked them to, you still care enough about me to make a way, to bring those people to me, and you have a plan and purpose for my life; to impact the kingdom and help set the captives free!! You are so good!!

For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB)

Blessed Beyond Belief

Recently I have really felt blessed, humbled and deeply loved by the Lord and how he has used friends and even complete strangers to bless me and my family. I have been believing for months for the Lord to make a way for me to go back home to VA and visit my family and friends. Don't get
me wrong, I absolutely love Colorado but I feel like a piece of my heart is still in VA. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and neither of those worked out. So, I have been waiting and hopefully expecting the Lord to make a way and lo and behold he has! Without going into a bunch of details, the Lord made a way not only for me to fly home, but for my boys to come with me free of charge! God really does give us the desires of our hearts and truly does care about what we care about! Nothing is impossible with God, especially when we trust him, believe his word, stand on his promises and expect to see his goodness in our lives!

As if that wasn't enough, today he used a complete stranger to humble me and melt my heart. While in the check out line at Target picking up some milk and a couple things I needed, I told the boys they could each pick out one piece of candy. We were waiting for the woman in front of me to check out so we had a little time. Then it was my turn, with an impatient man standing behind me, looking at the boys who were still trying to decide, then looking at me with that tone of voice in his facial expressions as if to say "Listen lady, I'm in a hurry, so can we hurry it up here?!" I told them to hurry up because I had to pay right now! Josiah picked his out, handed it to me, but Micah was still trying to decide....and Mr. Wonderful behind me was now giving me the stank eye, huffing and puffing and rolling his eyes. So, I did what I had to do and payed for Josiah's candy, only! As soon as the cashier handed me the receipt, Micah came up
To me with his candy, at which point I told him it was too late and he couldn't get it. He started crying and was so upset, not like throwing a fit upset, but his heart was broken kind of crying. i tried to explain the situation, the guy behind me was rushing me along and that he had plenty of opportunity to pick something out. Just as we got into the car and buckled up, a guy came up to the car and knocked on the window. He was behind Mr. Wonderful in the line and saw the whole situation. He decided to buy Micah the candy he had picked out and told me "I saw how hard he was trying to decide!" I was completely humbled and couldn't believe a complete stranger cared enough about my son to buy him a piece of candy. Insignificant and such a small thing in the grand scheme of life, but something at the moment that showed my son someone cared, and showed me once again that God cares about the smallest details, every desire, and will use anybody who is a willing vessel to bless us.

The point of all of this is to say that it has really made me want to be more conscious and aware of ways I can be used by the Lord to bless others, even if it's in a small way. God blesses us not so we can hoard material possessions and be selfish, but so we can in turn be a blessing to others and be the light of Christ and show his love to the world. Jesus came to serve and not be served, and it truly is better to give than to receive! Maybe if we slowed down long enough to see the needs of others, we could not only be a blessing to them, but find true fulfillment and joy ourselves!!

"Can We Please Go Find Some Darkness Now?"

Last night my husband and I were laying in bed watching the Passion 2012 conference online. If you have never heard the music or speakers from the conferences, you are missing out! Last night, they had a guest speaker on that I have heard of before, but had never actually heard her speak. Christine Caine was the speaker and she said something that really got me thinking. I suddenly had an "aha" moment. She told a story of how her daughter had really wanted a Barbie flash light, so she took her to Wal-Mart to get one. While at the register, her daughter turned on the flashlight but the light couldn't be seen clearly because of all the other lights already shining in Wal-Mart. She then tugged on her mommy and said "Mommy, can we please go find some darkness now?" Right then, I got it!

We are suppose to be "the light of the world, a city on a hill" (Matthew 5:14), but are we really being lights to the world? We are called to go into the dark places and be lights, for in the darkness is only where the light can shine through and be seen. I feel that most of us are like the flashlight in WalMart...we are shining, but no one can see us because everyone else around us is shining too. We have become so comfortable and complacent in our church circles and groups of Christian friends, that we have created a "bubble", surrounding ourselves with like-minded people that our lights are dim, or even nonexistent, to the rest of the world around us. I am in no way saying we shouldn't have like-minded people around us, but what I am saying is that we have got to get out of our bubble of friends, family members, places that feel safe and comfortable if we ever want to reach a dying world, help set captives free, and save those who are lost.

Andrew Wommack often says that "we are all called to be salt to the earth; the only problem is nobody wants to get out of the salt shaker!" Once again going back to the fact that we have not only got be willing, but we have to actually act upon what God is calling us to do, and just get out there! Millions of people are lost, dying, broken, poor in spirit, addicted, and wasting away in every sense of the word, and to be quite honest, most of us don't even care because we are too comfortable with where we are, what we have, we don't want to be inconvenienced, and we think it should be someone else's job to help them. I honestly don't understand why we fight so hard to stay where we are with all our "stuff," remaining stagnant, having no real power, authority or victory in our own lives, when we would find so much more fulfillment in meeting the needs of and serving others!

Matthew 6: 19-20 says Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."

All the "stuff" we try to accumulate, impress ourselves or other people with are eventually either going to be thrown away, given away later, or will simply rot because of the natural process of this earth. Why do we feel the need to accumulate and hold on to things that we can't take with us when we leave this earth, and put off the very one's that are literally rotting away inside, who may never make it to eternity with God? Are people's lives really not as important to us as our "stuff"? That's essentially what we are saying when we refuse to be the light in the dark places, and when we refuse to reach out to a lost and dying world. If we don't go into the darkness, and we aren't being lights to them, who will? You may be the only light someone in this world may ever see! I don't want to live with a guilty conscience, knowing there was so much more I could've done with my life and time here on this earth, and that I just let it all waste away, having no real meaning or value, and that there were dying people all around me and I was too selfish and stubborn to do anything about it. We all want to hear the Lord say to us "Well done my good and faithful servant," but what will we have done with what we were given on this earth to actually deserve to hear those words?  Some words to think about....

Injuring the Wounded

The last day or two I have really been thinking about the church as a whole and how we treat one another. I heard a quote about a week ago and have been pondering it ever since that said:

"The church is the only place the wounds the injured."



Looking back on the churches I have gone to, sadly, I have found this to be true. Growing up in church, there was a lot of legalism, rules and regulations. I was taught if you do bad, you get bad, and if you do good, you get good. I specifically remember a time when my parents found out I had lost my virginity, and instead of loving me through that and accepting me as I was, broken and messed up, I was literally embarrassed in front of my church and family, was told I would be put into a girls home, and my life became a living hell. I was put on the prayer list and had people praying for me like there was something wrong with me or I was "possessed." For a long time I wanted nothing to do with God, mainly because I felt, that like everyone else, God was so disappointed and mad at me that he would lash out at me just like everyone else had. Going through all that, along with some other things, it put a very bad taste in my mouth and I was injured even more.

Then there's the church we left who often tells the congregation "If you don't like our church, then you can leave and we'll help you find another one!" I have known countless people who have left this church broken, hurt, wounded and scarred. No one has reached out to them or tried to mend the relationship, no one has stepped up to the plate, taken ownership or even apologized for hurting them. Life goes on there, and you are someone who really never existed to them. They have a goal, to reach the lost, and if you happened to get "injured" by them along the way, oh well... once again, injuring those who are already wounded.

In the bible, I don't ever recall Jesus ignoring anyone, treating them as if they don't matter, using them for his own personal agenda, saying or doing things that would hurt or even scar someone. He is gentle in spirit, humble in his attitude and approach, seeks peace at all costs, heals the brokenhearted, mends relationships, and truly loves people. If we are suppose to look, act, talk and even treat others just as Jesus did, then why aren't we? Why are we so prideful or just plain too busy, that when we see someone is hurting, and we are aware it's partially our fault, that we don't reach out to them and seek peace at all costs? Why do we throw people under the bus and treat those in the body of Christ sometimes worse than we would treat our own family members? Why are we so quick to judge someone else and take things personally, when the bible clearly says that we are to be quick to forgive, and if we have something against someone to go to them and seek peace.

Matthew 18:15 says "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother."

Saint Augustine of Hippo said:

"If someone has done you injury and you have suffered, what should be done? You have heard the answer already in today’s scripture: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” If you fail to do so, you are worse than he is. He has done someone harm, and by doing harm he has stricken himself with a grievous wound. Will you then completely disregard your brother’s wound? Will you simply watch him stumble and fall down? Will you disregard his predicament? If so, you are worse in your silence than he in his abuse. Therefore, when any one sins against us, let us take great care, but not merely for ourselves. For it is a glorious thing to forget injuries. Just set aside your own injury, but do not neglect your brother’s wound. Therefore “go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone,” intent upon his amendment but sparing his sense of shame. For it might happen that through defensiveness he will begin to justify his sin, and so you will have inadvertently nudged him still closer toward the very behavior you desire to amend. Therefore “tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother,” because he might have been lost, had you not spoken with him."

I personally think the Lord looks at the body of Christ and is somewhat saddened by how we at times treat one another and our lack of effort to seek restoration. If there is someone you have hurt or offended, and you are aware of it, I urge you to make every attempt to make peace with that person and heal the relationship. God forbid I am too prideful or uncaring enough to say I'm sorry and lead someone astray. I long to be the best representation of Christ I can be, and that starts with a four letter word we so often take for granted and overuse, "L-O-V-E." May we truly love one another, seek and pursue peace, be willing to lay our own feelings and agendas aside to mend the relationship, and not only reach out to those who are lost, but to those we have injured through our words or actions. The phrase "I'm sorry" can do so much for the wounded heart, so don't be too prideful to say it!

Keeping Up with The Jones'

This week I found out a good friend of mine that I have gotten to know since we've moved to Colorado is being called with her husband and their children to Africa. I am so happy for them and I know in my heart that God has amazing plans for them. I am all about following the Lord, doing what he's calling you to do, being willing to forsake everything and everyone, taking up your cross daily and following him wholeheartedly.

I must say, their act of faith, stepping out into the great unknown, especially in another country has really challenged my own way of thinking and perceptions lately. A lot of times, even if the Lord was to call us to step out, we wouldn't be able to because of all the stuff we have. I am not against having things, and I don't believe God is either, but when things HAVE US, then there's a problem. It has caused me to reevaluate things a lot.

Our culture is driven my materialism, and the motto we are sold is "get all you can!" We have defined prosperity as having a lot of money or stuff, when thats only prosperity in one area of life. Every commercial on tv is trying to sell you something that will somehow make your life "better." We all want the nicest clothes, cars, homes, furniture, we go on elaborate vacations that we can't afford, and all for what? Because we think the next best thing will make us happy and make us look like we have it all together, when we are thousands of dollars in debt, unhappy, unfulfilled and falling apart in other areas of our lives. But hey, at least we look the part, right? Everyone is trying to keep up with "the jones'," but what they don't realize is "the jones'" are just as broke as you are!

I want to be to the point, where like my friends, if the Lord says "go," that I am able to just leave everything at a drop of a hat and not be bound by bills, loans, debt, possessions, etc. I don't believe everyone is called to make a drastic move to another country, but I do believe we are all called, just as the disciples were, to make disciples of others, to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give to the poor, set captives free, and to preach the good news of the gospel to those around us. How can we do what God has called each one of us to do if we are so self absorbed and all we care about is getting more stuff and looking the part?

You can have all the money and possessions in the world, but if you are miserable, sick, depressed, in strife, lacking in any area of life, then you are poor in those areas of life. The bible says in 3 John 1:2 "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, EVEN AS your soul prospers."
So, according to the bible, if we are prospering in our soul, then we will prosper in all the other areas of our lives. If we are lacking understanding and prosperity in our souls, then we will lack in other areas of our lives. I want to prosper and live the life God had called me to live, and if that means having less stuff, then ok. I refuse to be a slave to debt, or to the image and facade the world tries to shove down our throats. I want to be free and not cherish possessions so much that I am unwilling to lay them down whenever and wherever the Lord calls us to.

Do you have possessions or do they have you? Do you cherish them so much that they are holding you back in life, accumulating more and more to make yourself happy, or impress others? Let's try to live more simply and to be willing to follow the Lord no matter what the cost or what we have to give up, keeping in mind that God will bless our obedience and sacrifices more than we can ever imagine!!

Take a Chance and Roll the Dice...

Looking back now on where we are
compared to where we were, I don't know why we hesitated and talked ourselves out of doing Gods will for so long. At the time, moving to CO seemed like such a huge deal; leaving the only area I've ever known, leaving all our family, friends, a good church, stability and good money. I don't know why it seemed like such a hard decision at the time. Maybe we had little faith and weren't spiritually mature enough to make the move. Maybe we were just too comfortable and had our own agenda, trying to get out of debt first before we took the plunge. After all, that seems like a good reason to stay put, and is an honorable goal to work towards.

That's just how the enemy works. He sees what God is calling us to, he sees our potential and what we will become if we follow God and stay on the straight and narrow, and we then become a threat to him and his plans. So, he makes it a point to distract us, to put people, things or circumstances in our paths to discourage us, convince us that following God is too risky, he places words of doubt in our heads saying "what if this doesn't work out, how will you get the money, find a job, a place to live...." and if we are not careful, we will be led astray like a sheep being led to the slaughter.

Most people want the benefits and blessings of following the Lord, but too many people aren't willing to walk in I obedience, forsake ALL others, simply stop allowing their flesh and feelings to control them, and tell themselves NO! We will tell God no or not now...maybe not in those exact words but with our actions or lack thereof we do, therefore obeying the lusts, cravings and desires of our flesh. The bible says we are to be led and controlled by the spirit. Our flesh and spirit are constantly at war with one another. Our flesh never wants to do the things of God or anything good, so it will fight us at every turn and try and convince us just because something doesn't "feel" right or hurts, that we can't possibly do it. I have learned that sometimes things do hurt, especially in Gods kingdom. We are to crucify our flesh, and in doing so we lay ourselves down on the alter. The only problem is that our flesh constantly tries to crawl off the alter! Growth in Gods economy sometimes hurts, is uncomfortable and he asks us to do things that hurt, don't make sense in the natural or that will ultimately break our flesh and the grip it has on us.

My purpose in writing this is to say that we finally crossed over, believed God, fought our flesh and feelings, stood on the thing that is more true than our senses (the word of God) and finally obeyed the Lords leading and calling. What seemed like a big deal at the time actually wasn't such a big deal! Questions that we had and things we needed, God has and still is providing for us! Sure leaving was hard, but our faith, family, marriage and walks with God have never been better or stronger! When God calls you to something bigger than yourself, don't be afraid. He may not show you the whole plan, but he will give you the courage to push through, the determination to stand against opposition and provide everything you need if you are willing and you remain in Him. I can honestly say, without renewing my mind and constantly hearing/speaking the word of truth, I doubt I would've been willing to risk everything for the Lord when he said "GO!" Take God at his word. His word will stand the test of time and will never, ever fail you!

Where's Your Treasure?

Tonight, as I lay in bed, I was overwhelmed and moved to tears thinking about my kids. My oldest will be 7.......7 in a week and a half, which means we only have 11 more years left with them, which doesn't seem like enough time at all. There are so many things I wish I could go back and change as a mother; words I wish I could erase, reactions I wish I never had, tones that were never used and even thoughts I wish I'd never thought.

Children are a blessing from the Lord, a gift he has given us. I know I haven't always thought about them in that way, and tonight I felt the Lord giving me a picture of them. I saw them as a beautiful treasure box, God handing them to me, and me wanting to take the very best care of it that I could. In reality, if someone gave us an expensive and valuable treasure, we would do everything in our power to protect it, keep it safe, make sure it was well taken care of, to not let anyone mess with it, put it in a safe spot, and would take any means necessary to make sure nothing by any means would get to it. If we would do that for a material possession, why don't we do it more often for our own children? Why do we misuse them with our words or actions? Why don't we protect their gateways, their eyes, ears, and hearts more, making sure they aren't exposed to things that are inappropriate and being written on their hearts, being a better example to them, acting in love and patience instead of reacting with anger and yelling?

The Lord not only gives them to us, but he entrusts us to take good care of them as he would us. I love my kids, but I haven't always valued them the way they should be with my actions or words. I am still working on my words, trying to speak life and encouragement, not reacting when I'm feeling upset or mad, and trying to let the Lord love them through me. Some days are good, other days my flesh gets the best of me and I blow it, like today. Even when I do blow it, I know God isn't condemning me, his mercies are new everyday (and thank God because I used all of today's up), that I get another chance tomorrow, and that his grace will cover over any mistakes I made.

Time flies by so quickly. There's nothing we can do about the past mistakes we've made, things we've done or said that we wish we could do over again.....BUT there is a tomorrow, and the day after that and so on. I pray that we will truly value others, especially those closest to us, and that we will cherish them more than any earthly possession, that we would value them with our words and actions, and that we would soak up every bit of time the Lord has given to us to be with them. After all, in a few short years they will be leaving the nest, and what memories will we have imprinted on their hearts and ours? A time that was treasured and sacred or a time that was wasted and misused? I want to be a good steward of everything the Lord has given me, especially the ones he has given to me and entrusted me with!

My challenge to you and myself is to get a new perspective about people, be more conscious of the things we do/say, how are our tones and actions impacting others, what are the words we are speaking and writing on our spouse's/kids hearts, what are we really doing with our time, and are we really valuing and treasuring the gifts God has given us?

The Voice of One...

"May Your voice be louder

May Your voice be clearer

Than all the others"

-Jeremy Riddle

Lately I have heard a lot of people doubting and questioning God's voice, leading, and promptings saying things like "This can't be God because it doesn't make sense," or they are simply afraid to do something for fear of what others will think, say, or having to leave the comforts that surround them.

God has an individual plan for each of us, a mission he has for us to accomplish that will most definitely call us to action, call us to leave the very things and people that we have become comfortable and complacent around, and to ultimately draw us into a more intimate relationship with him so that he can pour out ALL his blessings, promises, provision and love into our lives.

Matthew 22:14 says "Many are called, but few are chosen."
Matthew 16:24-26 says "Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?


God has not called us to be comfortable, but to deny ourselves, our flesh, our feelings, our wants/desires and follow him. Many people look at giving up these things as an inconvenience to their flesh and/or lifestyle and therefore they choose to stay where they are; unfulfilled, unhappy with their life, struggling in many areas of their lives, and "asleep" in the spirit to what God has and wants to do for them.

I have known since I was a little girl that God had a very specific calling on my life. I  knew that it was only a matter of time before God called me out of my comfort zones; the very place I grew up, leaving my family and friends, all the comforts of the money we were making to follow him. I, for over 7 years, allowed money, circumstances, pregnancies, family/friends to discourage and talk me out of what God was so very clearly calling me and my family to. I allowed fear and my emotions to control me instead of letting God's word ring more true in my life. We left and gave up a business we owned, sacrificing the comfort of our income. Upon moving to Colorado we took a pay cut of almost $5k a month. We left a church that we were part of the core team that helped to start it, where I was pretty involved in the women's ministry, to come to a land of the unknown. We left many things and many people, denying our flesh to follow the Lord, knowing that he will bless our obedience, sacrifices and bless us more than we can even fathom because we were willing to step out of the boat. If Jesus himself left the comforts of his home to follow the will of the Lord, and he is our example, how much more is he calling us to leave the comforts of our lives to follow him? Nothing in the natural makes sense about the bible or miracles. It all goes against or senses, so why do we think his calling us will make any sense? I don't know about you but I do not want to get to heaven and see all the things God had for me here on earth, that I missed out on, simply because I was too scared to follow him and do some things that looked crazy to everyone else on the outside.

Something the Lord has really been speaking to me lately is that he will never call us to do something that doesn't require him. If you are in a job that you can provide everything you need for your family without the Lord, then you're probably not doing what God has called you to do. We need God, period, and my job as a parent is to teach my children how to not only hear God's voice, but to follow him wherever he leads them, and to rely on him more than they rely on us or the natural.

1 John 15: 5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Are you trying to do life on your own apart from the Lord? Are you listening to your family and friends, looking at the circumstances of life, your finances, relying more on your feelings then you are the Lord? Are you trying to "store up for yourself treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy," rather than treasures in heaven? Do you only "need" God when something bad happens in your life? God has such a great life in store for each and every one of us that will only work when we are truly seeking, following and relying on Him! Even though we made many sacrifices to come to Colorado, I can honestly say I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. God has blessed us with amazing friends, has already proven himself faithful and provided for us in so many ways, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I know our harvest is coming!!

Whatever God is calling you to do...don't let the voices of others drown out that still small voice of the Lord. Stop asking God for a "sign," stop wanting everything to line up and make sense because it never will. We are not waiting for God, he is waiting for us to take a step, do what he's told us and simply wait/trust him to provide everything we need. You take a step, and then God will reveal more of the bigger picture to you. Trust the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. He knows what's best for us and wants to bless us more than we want to be blessed!!!

Taking Inventory

I love how patient God is with me and how he will keep repeating the same thing over and over to me until I finally get it. The last week I have written about the power of our words and that God has really been speaking to me about them. The last 2 mornings in particular I have read devotionals speaking verbatim what God has been so gently speaking to me. Coincidence? I think not!

Words have the power of life and death. God created the entire universe with just his words. When God changed Abram's name to Abraham, every time Abraham spoke his new name, he was speaking over himself "I am a father of many nations." When the fig tree died, it was because Jesus spoke to it and cursed it. When Lazarus was raised from the dead it was because Jesus spoke out loud and called him to come forth. Any time something amazing happened, it was all because of the words someone spoke to a person, a situation or over themselves. If God himself created things into existence with his very words, what are we creating with ours?

I often just sit and listen to people talk. I listen to how much negativity, death, and discouragement people constantly speak about themselves, situations, how they are feeling, and others without even realizing it. I, at times, catch myself getting ready to, or in the process of speaking negatively. People not only limit themselves by their words, but they limit God and the potential he sees in them.

I hear people say things like:
"I can't or we will never be able to afford..."
"I can't do..."
"My kids are such brats!"
"I hate my job!"
"My life sucks."
"I'm so scared about..."
".....makes me so mad!"
"You never listen!"

The list could go on and on. The absolute worst is when I see people absorb the words others speak to/over them, particularly family members. They let other peoples words penetrate their very soul, taking their words not as face value, but rather holding more value and power to them than Gods word. They ultimately allow others words to persuade and control them into doing or not doing something God has so clearly been speaking to them about...I should know because I allowed other peoples words to hold me back from Gods calling for many years. I have seen this in my own family and friends and it breaks my heart and infuriates me at the same time. If I believed every negative, selfish, condemning word people have spoken over me, I'd be a complete mess, confused all the time, trying to please people rather than God, and definitely wouldn't be where I am now. I have by no means arrived, and this is not a blog about being positive, it's about letting Gods word be more true and everyone else's rub off us like water on a ducks back. Gods written word is important, but it's in speaking his word and promises over and over that gives us results!

My challenge to you and myself is to start taking inventory of not only the words we speak, but the words we allow others to speak into/over us. Confessing God’s Word does not move God to do things for us. It is not a magic formula. God had already moved when He gave up Jesus to die for you. However, when we confess His Word, it moves us from a position of doubt to faith. Whatever we speak will produce a harvest, either good or bad. If you are wondering why things aren't going well, change the way you talk about the situation, stop listening to everyone else's opinions, and expect God to move on your behalf! God honors His words, so start speaking them!!

Stay with the Pack!

The Lord always seems to speak to me in terms of subjects, not as in math or history, but the subjects of my life. If you have read my last couple posts you will see that one of the subjects he has been teaching me about is words and their power. Another one he has been speaking to me about is distractions. God is often the teacher and we are the student learning the lessons of his word, his promises, his deliverance and, in turn, having them become life to our bodies, minds, and circumstances. I believe God uses his word to teach us things, to teach us truths, to open our eyes to our own carnality, how much we truly need him, and to prosper us both in the spiritual realm and the physical.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe God puts sickness, disease, poverty or anything else on us. God IS love. God IS good. He is our father, our protector, defender, deliverer, provider, and every good and perfect gift comes from him (James 1:17). If, then, God is our father, and he is the very essence of love, why do we believe otherwise? Why would he want, cause, or make anything bad come upon us or happen to us? Matthew 7:11 says "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" We, in our human nature are evil, there's no other way to say it. We are prone to sin, to do or say bad things, hence our need for a savior. There is no part of our flesh that wants to do good. Without God, and apart from him, we can do nothing (John 15:5).

So then the question becomes if we (who are evil) can love and give good things to our children, why do we think our creator is any different? He created us with those intentions, to love and to do good. Would you as a parent or even a friend put cancer or some other horrible thing onto someone you love to "teach them a lesson," to make them want to be closer to you, or to show them how much they actually need you? Absolutely not, and if you would, I suggest you find the nearest psych ward and check yourself into it! If we wouldn't will that onto someone we love, why in the world do we think, blame, and accuse God of doing the same thing to us or someone we love?

We have a very real enemy who absolutely hates and despises us more than anything. John 10:10 says " The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."  1 Peter 5:8 says "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." These verses clearly state that we have an enemy, and he is always roaming around in search of someone to prey on and devour. He watches us intently, learns our weaknesses and studies us on purpose.

In the wild, the predator always seeks out the weakest, littlest and sometimes youngest animal in a group/herd. Once it has spotted the weaker one, his goal is to first separate it from the pack, and then go for the kill. If the predator can manage to separate if from the pack, then it will be defenseless, an easy target, and an easy kill. The enemy is the same way with us. His goal is to first seek out those who are weak; weak in spirit particularly. If he can find people who not only don't believe in God, but who aren't really standing in, believing on, and relying on God alone, then he has found his target. His next goal is to separate the pack, to draw out those who either don't really believe or who are weak in their spiritual lives. He will use people, circumstances, finances, worry, doubt, fear, hurt feelings, or anything that holds value in our lives to come against us, bring us down, and ultimately cause us to blame God. Once he can get us to blame God, we will then be separated, be weak, weary, not want to fight him, and then he goes in for the kill.

My charge to you (and myself) is to:
1)Stay alert at all times. I have just recently began to see all the many ways the enemy tries to distract me from not only getting into the word, but to become lazy and complacent in other areas of my life. He will use anything he can to distract us; things we feel have to get done now, the tv, music, video games, facebook,  addictions, phone calls that can wait or be returned later, or anything else that seems urgent or important to us. Busyness is a huge one. I once heard before that busyness really stands for Being Under Satans Yolk...ouch!
2)Seek the Lord with all your heart. Ask him to show you His goodness and expect to see it. If we are looking for Him, he will show up and reveal it to us! He is not withholding anything from us, nor is he waiting for us to beg and plead, get 100 people on a prayer chain to pray for us before he decides to move. God is not sitting in Heaven with his arms folded, holding out on us until we do a, b, c, and d. He is also not a schizophrenic one day being nice and good, and the next day being angry and mean. He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8). We and our emotions change so often and frequently it's hard to imagine God being any different, but he is!
3) If/when trials and hard times come, stay with the pack! That is when we need each other, and more importantly, we need God the most. Don't allow the enemy to draw you away with his enticements, to make you focus more on the circumstances than God's goodness and his willingness to deliver us from it, and to speak lies to you. Take every thought captive, don't believe just any thought that pops into your head, and surround yourself with people who will lift you up, encourage you, help to sharpen you, and who will cover/protect you should the enemy try and separate you.
4) We, as women in particularly, are lionnesses, strong, majestic, beautiful and fierce! We serve our king, the lion of the tribe of Judah, and just as lionnesses stay together, hunt together, groom together, and take care of each other's young, we need to do the same thing. We are strong, majestic, fierce and need each other to fight against any enemy who tries to come against our pack!

We all need each other. We all need the Lord. We need to know and understand the power and authority he has already given us and that the enemy is a defeated foe! Let's join forces together and help those who are weak, weary and defenseless!