Since moving to Colorado, part of my heart still felt as if it were back home in VA. About a year before we moved God started showing me what I am called to do, to help pull people out of their deepest, darkest pits and help set them free so they can rise/soar to new heights. I started becoming more involved in the women's ministry at our church. Then, just as I was asked to step up and become a leader, the Lord called Wayne and I here. It really was bittersweet and I felt like I had just found my niche.
After moving here, I began asking the Lord to help me get plugged into a women's ministry. I emailed a woman who has a worldwide ministry here to see if she could help me navigate and find a good place but that was of little help. Then, I felt the Lord stirring in me for me to start something small. The church we attend does have a women's ministry but I can't get plugged in because I homeschool our kids and they are too old for the childcare. I approached the pastor and asked him about starting something small and that idea was pretty much shot down. Then, I got plugged in with some other women, but because our core beliefs are so different, I felt as if I needed to take a step back.
A couple weeks ago I had a breakdown. One of those times where you are sobbing; you just feel alone, like you have tried and tried to make friends and get plugged in and every door keeps closing. Part of me wanted to go back to VA; back where I was loved and accepted, where people actually listened to me, I felt little persecution for my beliefs and where I was being used...a place really of comfort. Long story short, the boys and I were able to fly home (courtesy of the Lord) and I had been asking the Lord for closure. While back home, I got the closure I needed: God has me right where he needs me, that I was no longer needed back home, and that he was doing something new!
Since coming back, there have been days where I have still felt alone even though I know the Lord is with me and up to something. I have been judged, my own salvation has been questioned by other believers and have felt under attack in so many areas of life. Then this morning, as I was listening to Joyce Meyer, I began to feel discouraged and asked the Lord "when is my ministry going to start? When are you going to start using me and bringing me people that want to hear what I have to say?" My heart has, and will always be longing to be used by the Lord. I want to fulfill my calling and help set people free from their mindsets, bondages, sins, and point them to the Lord! I don't simply want to take up space. I was so frustrated and 'lo and behold, the Lord connected me with a friend, someone who I truly love but have been distanced from because of our lives moving so fast and for a lot of other reasons. The Lord heard the cry of my heart and brought me someone that I can begin ministering to, lifting up, encouraging and can be there to spur them on in their walk with Christ! I may not have a women's "ministry" or group to attend but God can still use me even if I'm not in the most desired place/setting. All he needs is a willing vessel and he will make a way!
Thank you Lord that even though other doors have closed and haven't worked out the way I would've liked them to, you still care enough about me to make a way, to bring those people to me, and you have a plan and purpose for my life; to impact the kingdom and help set the captives free!! You are so good!!
For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB)
This blog was created to challenge our way of thinking, the way we perceive things, and to ultimately point us towards God. In reading my blog, I challenge you to step outside of your normal way of thinking, expect to see the goodnes of God, to possibly see things in a new light, and to not be limited to our own perceptions.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Blessed Beyond Belief
Recently I have really felt blessed, humbled and deeply loved by the Lord and how he has used friends and even complete strangers to bless me and my family. I have been believing for months for the Lord to make a way for me to go back home to VA and visit my family and friends. Don't get
me wrong, I absolutely love Colorado but I feel like a piece of my heart is still in VA. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and neither of those worked out. So, I have been waiting and hopefully expecting the Lord to make a way and lo and behold he has! Without going into a bunch of details, the Lord made a way not only for me to fly home, but for my boys to come with me free of charge! God really does give us the desires of our hearts and truly does care about what we care about! Nothing is impossible with God, especially when we trust him, believe his word, stand on his promises and expect to see his goodness in our lives!
As if that wasn't enough, today he used a complete stranger to humble me and melt my heart. While in the check out line at Target picking up some milk and a couple things I needed, I told the boys they could each pick out one piece of candy. We were waiting for the woman in front of me to check out so we had a little time. Then it was my turn, with an impatient man standing behind me, looking at the boys who were still trying to decide, then looking at me with that tone of voice in his facial expressions as if to say "Listen lady, I'm in a hurry, so can we hurry it up here?!" I told them to hurry up because I had to pay right now! Josiah picked his out, handed it to me, but Micah was still trying to decide....and Mr. Wonderful behind me was now giving me the stank eye, huffing and puffing and rolling his eyes. So, I did what I had to do and payed for Josiah's candy, only! As soon as the cashier handed me the receipt, Micah came up
To me with his candy, at which point I told him it was too late and he couldn't get it. He started crying and was so upset, not like throwing a fit upset, but his heart was broken kind of crying. i tried to explain the situation, the guy behind me was rushing me along and that he had plenty of opportunity to pick something out. Just as we got into the car and buckled up, a guy came up to the car and knocked on the window. He was behind Mr. Wonderful in the line and saw the whole situation. He decided to buy Micah the candy he had picked out and told me "I saw how hard he was trying to decide!" I was completely humbled and couldn't believe a complete stranger cared enough about my son to buy him a piece of candy. Insignificant and such a small thing in the grand scheme of life, but something at the moment that showed my son someone cared, and showed me once again that God cares about the smallest details, every desire, and will use anybody who is a willing vessel to bless us.
The point of all of this is to say that it has really made me want to be more conscious and aware of ways I can be used by the Lord to bless others, even if it's in a small way. God blesses us not so we can hoard material possessions and be selfish, but so we can in turn be a blessing to others and be the light of Christ and show his love to the world. Jesus came to serve and not be served, and it truly is better to give than to receive! Maybe if we slowed down long enough to see the needs of others, we could not only be a blessing to them, but find true fulfillment and joy ourselves!!
me wrong, I absolutely love Colorado but I feel like a piece of my heart is still in VA. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and neither of those worked out. So, I have been waiting and hopefully expecting the Lord to make a way and lo and behold he has! Without going into a bunch of details, the Lord made a way not only for me to fly home, but for my boys to come with me free of charge! God really does give us the desires of our hearts and truly does care about what we care about! Nothing is impossible with God, especially when we trust him, believe his word, stand on his promises and expect to see his goodness in our lives!
As if that wasn't enough, today he used a complete stranger to humble me and melt my heart. While in the check out line at Target picking up some milk and a couple things I needed, I told the boys they could each pick out one piece of candy. We were waiting for the woman in front of me to check out so we had a little time. Then it was my turn, with an impatient man standing behind me, looking at the boys who were still trying to decide, then looking at me with that tone of voice in his facial expressions as if to say "Listen lady, I'm in a hurry, so can we hurry it up here?!" I told them to hurry up because I had to pay right now! Josiah picked his out, handed it to me, but Micah was still trying to decide....and Mr. Wonderful behind me was now giving me the stank eye, huffing and puffing and rolling his eyes. So, I did what I had to do and payed for Josiah's candy, only! As soon as the cashier handed me the receipt, Micah came up
To me with his candy, at which point I told him it was too late and he couldn't get it. He started crying and was so upset, not like throwing a fit upset, but his heart was broken kind of crying. i tried to explain the situation, the guy behind me was rushing me along and that he had plenty of opportunity to pick something out. Just as we got into the car and buckled up, a guy came up to the car and knocked on the window. He was behind Mr. Wonderful in the line and saw the whole situation. He decided to buy Micah the candy he had picked out and told me "I saw how hard he was trying to decide!" I was completely humbled and couldn't believe a complete stranger cared enough about my son to buy him a piece of candy. Insignificant and such a small thing in the grand scheme of life, but something at the moment that showed my son someone cared, and showed me once again that God cares about the smallest details, every desire, and will use anybody who is a willing vessel to bless us.
The point of all of this is to say that it has really made me want to be more conscious and aware of ways I can be used by the Lord to bless others, even if it's in a small way. God blesses us not so we can hoard material possessions and be selfish, but so we can in turn be a blessing to others and be the light of Christ and show his love to the world. Jesus came to serve and not be served, and it truly is better to give than to receive! Maybe if we slowed down long enough to see the needs of others, we could not only be a blessing to them, but find true fulfillment and joy ourselves!!
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