Since moving to Colorado, part of my heart still felt as if it were back home in VA. About a year before we moved God started showing me what I am called to do, to help pull people out of their deepest, darkest pits and help set them free so they can rise/soar to new heights. I started becoming more involved in the women's ministry at our church. Then, just as I was asked to step up and become a leader, the Lord called Wayne and I here. It really was bittersweet and I felt like I had just found my niche.
After moving here, I began asking the Lord to help me get plugged into a women's ministry. I emailed a woman who has a worldwide ministry here to see if she could help me navigate and find a good place but that was of little help. Then, I felt the Lord stirring in me for me to start something small. The church we attend does have a women's ministry but I can't get plugged in because I homeschool our kids and they are too old for the childcare. I approached the pastor and asked him about starting something small and that idea was pretty much shot down. Then, I got plugged in with some other women, but because our core beliefs are so different, I felt as if I needed to take a step back.
A couple weeks ago I had a breakdown. One of those times where you are sobbing; you just feel alone, like you have tried and tried to make friends and get plugged in and every door keeps closing. Part of me wanted to go back to VA; back where I was loved and accepted, where people actually listened to me, I felt little persecution for my beliefs and where I was being used...a place really of comfort. Long story short, the boys and I were able to fly home (courtesy of the Lord) and I had been asking the Lord for closure. While back home, I got the closure I needed: God has me right where he needs me, that I was no longer needed back home, and that he was doing something new!
Since coming back, there have been days where I have still felt alone even though I know the Lord is with me and up to something. I have been judged, my own salvation has been questioned by other believers and have felt under attack in so many areas of life. Then this morning, as I was listening to Joyce Meyer, I began to feel discouraged and asked the Lord "when is my ministry going to start? When are you going to start using me and bringing me people that want to hear what I have to say?" My heart has, and will always be longing to be used by the Lord. I want to fulfill my calling and help set people free from their mindsets, bondages, sins, and point them to the Lord! I don't simply want to take up space. I was so frustrated and 'lo and behold, the Lord connected me with a friend, someone who I truly love but have been distanced from because of our lives moving so fast and for a lot of other reasons. The Lord heard the cry of my heart and brought me someone that I can begin ministering to, lifting up, encouraging and can be there to spur them on in their walk with Christ! I may not have a women's "ministry" or group to attend but God can still use me even if I'm not in the most desired place/setting. All he needs is a willing vessel and he will make a way!
Thank you Lord that even though other doors have closed and haven't worked out the way I would've liked them to, you still care enough about me to make a way, to bring those people to me, and you have a plan and purpose for my life; to impact the kingdom and help set the captives free!! You are so good!!
For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB)
This blog was created to challenge our way of thinking, the way we perceive things, and to ultimately point us towards God. In reading my blog, I challenge you to step outside of your normal way of thinking, expect to see the goodnes of God, to possibly see things in a new light, and to not be limited to our own perceptions.
