This last week has been challenging for me mentally. Normally I feel like I have a pretty good handle on things and can easily cast my cares upon the Lord, but this week in particular has had a lot of things stirring in my heart. For anyone who knows me, or that follows my blogs, knows that in the past, I have been a bit of a control freak...ok, maybe a lot of a control freak. Being a control freak is more than just wanting everything done right but a lot of it stems from pride and thinking that I can do it and my way is the best way, most women can attest to this when it comes to their husbands and the way they do things!
Last year the Lord really dealt with me about my issues of control and not completely trusting him. I was put into situations where I had no other choice but to let go and trust God with my marriage, my kids, our finances and my eating habits. With all that, I thought I was done going through the pruning of all that, wouldn't you? Well, I guess I was wrong and there are still some deep seeded roots that need to be pulled up! Through a few different circumstances the last couple of months, I am realizing that parts of me still want to be in control. When it comes to my relationships, I have a hard time not allowing my emotions to get too involved and attached. I try and speak the truth in love or share what I believe the Lord is showing me, but then when it comes to those people making a decision, I find myself feeling disappointed when they don't make the clear, obvious choice.
I do not want the burden or responsibility of being someone else's Holy Spirit. I have come a long way in that, but I don't know how to not cross certain boundaries, especially when someone has given me so much access into their lives, asks for my advice and/or help. I see so many people, especially Christians that are "saved and stuck," living way below the life that God has for them, and it's so hard to watch people barely making it, not fully understanding who they are in Christ, what they have because of him and that if they would stop being scared and truly seek/follow God that they would live with such passion, joy, peace, and abundance that they would never settle for mediocrity again!
Yesterday I was praying and asking the Lord to help me understand why I often feel this way and his response to me was "This is just a small glimpse of how I feel. I have great and amazing plans for people, but they limit me and live life trying to fulfill things that I never created them to fulfill. They walk down paths that I never intended them to walk down, pursue the wrong dreams, and never truly seek ME! They gamble with their lives, and would take a greater risk on their lives or playing the lottery then they would at following me."
I don't want to gamble my life away by pursuing my own hopes and dreams, and I hate seeing other people do the same. With that said, I am letting go of the control once again. I have learned that I can not make people see things they don't want to see, go in ways they do not wish to go, and do things they do not wish to do. I will speak truth, love others but I will not let their actions or lack thereof disappoint me. What people choose to do or not do is up to them and if they decide to take the road less traveled, I will welcome them with open arms just as if they choose to take the road that's traveled on by many. I will not try and control others nor will I let my emotions control me. I will just simply be...period.
This blog was created to challenge our way of thinking, the way we perceive things, and to ultimately point us towards God. In reading my blog, I challenge you to step outside of your normal way of thinking, expect to see the goodnes of God, to possibly see things in a new light, and to not be limited to our own perceptions.
