Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

The last couple months have been a roller coaster of emotions. I have really missed my friends and family back home, A LOT! My parents came out to CO last week to visit, and I have been counting down the days since they bought their plane tickets!!

Family means more to me now then it ever has, and it's sad that up until the last year or so that I have really taken their closeness for granted. My parents have always been there for me, no matter what! They have loved me even when I couldn't see it, fought for me, supported me in more ways than one, always encouraged me in the Lord, always been around to help me fix little problems that arise, my dad has been my personal mechanic, my mom was there for the births of our sons, and have always been within a 5 mile radius of me for almost my entire life. Sure, we have butted heads on numerous occasions, I have held grudges against them for being too hard on me at times, for showing what I felt like at the time was favoritism to my sister, been mad at them for being too "protective," and said/done things I really regret. And yet, because they have always been there, I have never really sat and thought about how lucky I am to have them in my life and how much they truly mean to me.

Last night I asked God to show me His love in a new and tangible way. Tonight, after everyone else was in bed, my dad and I sat up and talked as we often do. Growing up, I was never really close to my dad. He was always there for me when I needed him, but he was also very distanced emotionally and I never really understood the reasons behind it. I knew he'd had a rough background and upbringing but tonight it really struck a chord in me.

Tonight, I listened to my dad go into detail and describe how my grandfather (his father) was shot and killed, the anger and hatred he had in his heart, how he has been able to forgive and even eat with the very man that murdered his dad, and some of the tragedies he has gone through in his life. I have never met my dads parents, they both died long before I was born, yet I have always felt a deep love and connection to them that I can't explain. I remember visiting their grave site years ago, breaking down and sobbing, feeling mad and deprived that their lives were cut short and I'd never got to experience a life with them, and that my children would never get to experience a life with them one day either. As I listened to my dad, tears streaming down my face, as they still are, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of love for my parents, compassion for their lives, sorrow for all their past experiences, how I didn't have it nearly as bad as I thought growing up, and I saw a facet of my heavenly father through my dad tonight; a loving father who wants to fellowship with me, who can't wait to open up and share his heart with me, and who has always welcomed me with open arms even though I have wounded him deeply. Listening to my dad made me very sorry for everything I've ever done or said to hurt my parents and my heavenly father; not in a condemning way but in a sorrowful way, a way that makes me realize how precious time is and what a gift family and friends really are! At the same time, it made me miss them even more, knowing I only have a couple days left with them until they fly back home.

Tonight I realized that in the past, I have been far too selfish, judgmental, condemning, wasted too much time being angry or bitter at how I was/wasn't treated, and cared more about myself that I couldn't see just how amazing my family really is, and just like I saw a new side of my dad, I also saw a new side of my heavenly father; a side that is overwhelming with love, a love that breaks down any and all walls, barriers, preconceived ideas, a love that forgives, keeps no record of wrongs, hopes the best and is the very picture of 1 Cor. 13. Thank God that he has promised to restore to me ALL the things that the enemy has stolen from me, including wasted years and broken relationships! Don't let life pass you by before you allow yourself to love and be loved, to truly enjoy the gifts God has put in your life, and before you really get to know the people around you. Their story might just change your perspective AND your life!!